This winter feels more like a blanket than a season. Weighing me down and showing me the inner workings of things inside myself with an increasing urge to pair down, purge, and move ahead with more clarity. And by move ahead I mean stay still until I feel inspired to act. Sure I've been purging and cleaning a bit but still mostly resting. Regular productivity feels like a far-off place.
So I'm home, painting accent walls, cleaning drawers, and reading books. I have a big desire to start a quilt, make myself a dress, or take up knitting, but that feels entirely too frivolous when there are things that actually need to be done. It's as if I can't help but distract myself from work by nesting and hibernating a bit longer.
But the last 2 weeks have been more productive. I have somehow managed to restock most of my regular production jewelry pieces. All the things that are easy to make but not so creatively fulfilling. Having done that, I am now free to make fancier things or to finish one of the handful of paintings I have started. To actually clean my studio. Or, gasp, try something new and scary!
It's funny, I made lots of things in art school that were fancier than I do now. And I did a heck of a lot more experimenting with materials and techniques. For whatever reason, these things completely block me up now. Writers block for jewelers. Or painters, or artists in general. I see other artists doing things I know how to do but I cannot find the courage to do them. I am actually scared of my new ideas.
There are plenty of things I've accomplished in the last few months that deserve celebrating. I did a spontaneous photo shoot on my own and many of the shots turned out great. I reached my financial business goal for the year. I finally made one of the ring designs I've been dreaming about for eons. And I finished a silver bracelet that has been sitting on my bench for years, tarnishing, sparking ideas for a whole new collection. It simultaneously feels like a lot and not enough.
Anyways I am practicing allowing. Allowing myself to rest. Allowing inspiration to come when it's ready instead of forcing it out of obligation. Allowing myself to make mistakes and to make a few things just for the sake of making. To do just because. Just for fun. From a place of feeling good in the doing of them. For now that is enough.
I still have all of February to prepare for springs arrival and to practice feeling like resting isn't something to be guilty about. Because burnout is a real thing.
My online shop is freshly stocked with all your favorites and a few Valentine goodies. Head on over!
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